The Bottle
For the majority of his adult life, Bob has battled the almost overwhelming problem of alcohol abuse. It is an area that he is reluctant to talk about, however after numerous discussions with him he has decided to conduct an interview via internet correspondence on the matter.
D.T: When did you start drinking, Bob?
B.F: I started drinking regularly,every 3 to 4 weeks, when I was 18.
D.T: When did you realise that it may be a problem for you?
B.F: . Unlike most alcoholics, pretty early on. It seemed to affect me differently than other people That I was drinking with. It wasn't the quantity at THAT point, anyway. I was never the one throwing up or passing out or swinging punches, quite the opposite actually. I'd get to a certain point & then plateau out.
D.T: So when DID it become a problem for you?
B.F: That took quite some time. I was well-known as a drinker, but not in a negative way. I could drink every day of the week without any problem initially.I don't think anyone particularly took any notice of it, but then I started taking too many days off work, missing appointments & events. I started cutting back on the amount as that was on the increase, but the frequency was still an issue. I'd be okay as long as I knew WHEN I was going to have a drink.
Bobs' drinking slowly increased in frequency & amount, to the point where he was becoming concerned himself. His lifestyle & personality began to gravitate even more towards alcohol.
D.T: When did you think it had a hold on you?
B.F: Right from the start. It wasn't until the mid-90s that I started to drink in a not-so-social manner.I'd prefer to stay at home instead of going to a party or wedding or whatever so that I could get REALLY walloped. It had me by the throat by then.
D.T: How so?
B.F: Well, my ex-wife mentioned that perhaps I was drinking too much and I KNEW she was right. I tried to stop completely but that was a waste of fuckin' time so I started drinking vodka. Easier to stash & at the time I thought the odour was harder to detect. Anyone who says that you can't smell vodka......BOLLOCKS! You can. It comes out of your fuckin' SKIN!
D.T: So you were sneaking drinks, then?
B.F: I'd been sneaking drinks for fuckin' ages. I was just 
trying to get sneakier. The trouble was that my eyes are a giveaway. Two drinks & you can tell as they go glassy & puffy real early on. My behaviour was diffent too. Even I could tell THAT. My anxiety levels & paranoia levels were hideous and vodka affects you differently. It gives you a spark for about an hour, then you slowly sink so you have another one. All of a sudden it hits you like a Howitzer. BANG! Not good.
As time progressed, Bobs' excessive drinking did become noticed by family members & friends. In the mid-90s he first took steps to control it, all with short-lived success.
D.T: When did you decide to do something about your drinking, Bob?
B.F: Well, I didn't really decide to. My ex-wife suggested that I should, so I did. I attended A.A. but that only lasted a few weeks as the people there were basically lying.....but what alcoholic hasn't? Their stories got bigger & better every week & I saw a few of them smashed in the street. It was a bit of a sad joke, really.
D.T: Did it help at all?
B.F: A few years later it did. I still try to stick to a couple of their theories, which I think apply to life in general anyway. Keep it simple & one day at a time. It took me a long time to finally realise that they worked if you kept working at them. There were a lot of fuck-ups inbetween times, though.
D.T: So what DID help, then?
B.F: Oh, LOTS of things. I learned a lot about myself in rehab. More than I thought I knew.
D.T: What else?
B.F: After rehab I was doing rather well for auite some time. Maybe too well, so I thought I could drink normally again. That lasted about a week, then I was back to where I was before, except worse.
D.T: Worse in what way?
B.F: My blood pressure was going through the roof, my levels of anxiety & paranoia were almost unbearable. Then I was having blackouts that were lasting for days. I'd leave myself notes to remind me what day it was & they'd sit there for a week. I began having hallucinations & seizures & landed myself in hospital more than once.
In spite of his physical & mental health being severely affected, Bob continued drinking excessively. His appearance had changed in that he had become rather bloated due to his kidny function being severely compromised by continuing excessive & lengthy bouts of drinking, but his mental stse was a major concern. This went largely unnoticed. He was, however, becoming conspicuous by his 'absences'.
D.T: So even the health scares weren't enough to set off alarm bells, Bob?
B.F: No. I was SO out of touch with reality that my only concern was getting a drink into me. This was the only thing at the time that I could relate to. Frighteningly calculating when you consider that some days I didn't know if the sun was about to rise or set, but I always knew I'd have enough booze in the house for a 'steadier' or more as soon as I got out of bed, whenever that would be. Sometimes I'd only get up & dressed so that I could get back into the booze.
D.T: You said to me one time that time became 'fluid'. What do you mean by this?
B.F: Well, because I'd lost track of it, it didn't really MATTER what the time was so long as there was booze in the house and like I've said I was surprisingly calculating on that front......and on that front alone.
Bobs' last alcoholic haze came to an abrupt end in April, 2007 when he was apprehended for exceeding 0.05%. He knew that there was a distinct possibility of going to jail but was more concerned with his health & safety.
B.F: For the first time in my life I was scared. I was on my way back from the bottleshop late morning & was breathalysed. I was sky-high. After I was processed, the police took me home & were kind enough to stop at my car so I could get 2 bottles out of my car. They knew I wasn't going to try to sneak down & get it as they'd heard me talk to my parents on the phone, who were going to be at my house in about an hour. I got home, drank the 2 bottles in about 15 minutes & waited. There & then I decided I wasn't safe where I was & decided to move back to Stanley and here I am. Seeing my children as often as possible, recording & 99% sober. Life isn't all bad.
D.T: So what is it this time that makes you appear to be on the right track, Bob?
B.F: Well, it's pretty fuckin' obvious from what I've just said that I was drinking myself to DEATH. Not intentionally, mind you. I've escaped with my liver & kidneys intact. They were a bit dodgy there for a while but fully recovered now.I'm a lucky boy. My short-term memory is pretty-well back to normal, but I think the anxiety was causing THAT & my long-term memory doesn't seem to have never been affected. One can never get complacent though.
D.T: Finally, Bob, do you have any advice for anyone with a drinking problem?
B.F: There are so many TYPES of alcoholics & circumstances, aren't there? For some it's 
A.A., for some it's religion, for some it's medication, for some it's bits of all of the above. The main thing is that it's the INDIVIDUAL that must WANT to stop. There's NOTHING that will stop an alcoholic from having a drink if they decide to that's the big part that a lot of people who aren't alcoholics can't get their heads around.and I think it's unfair to expect them to, the same as I think it's unfair of them to condemn or simplify the matter. There's one quote that I read by the late George Best, my football idol. He said "Be the best person that you can for the day." For me, it's paying off. I feel pretty good at the end of the day. Maybe tomorrow I won't, but tomorrow doesn't exist. To any alcoholic struggling each day with it, I sincerely wish you all the very best of luck.
November '07
